Earbuds

I have a secret to share.

Sometimes, when I'm working out, walking the dog, or studying at the coffee house...I wear earbuds. Yes, earbuds- the little pod shaped earphones that are supposed to fit comfortably inside the ear. I wear those. Mine are not very fancy. They're not covered in rhinestones or engineered to create some kind of supernatural musical experience. I just have the plain white set that came with my iPhone. I know a lot of other people wear earbuds because it's the new thing now, but I've never actually opened up and said it, so I figured I should. So there...the secret's out.

"Djuan, you are so private and secretive." A few weeks ago, three people in three totally unrelated interactions on the same day, all said that to me. I had to pause and seriously ponder that statement. Was this a conspiracy? Had these people been holding "What's up with Djuan" conference calls in the last three months, planning for the very day that each of them would make me question the nature of my life and what I do or don't share??? Hmmm...probably not. But, regardless, it made me think. Am I really so secretive or is everyone else just so open? I thought on that for a while, not because I didn't have an answer, but moreso because I knew it was true. I am secretive, or better yet...I'm a bit of an introvert.

I enjoy hanging out and spending time with my loved ones, just as I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy speaking and presenting in front of large and small crowds alike. I enjoy social functions. As a matter of fact, I have had many people refer to me as a "social butterfly" or "Miss Popular", though I beg to differ. You see, over the past few years, I have come to realize that I can be a bit of a recluse at times. Not because I loathe or fear the world outside of myself, but just because I have learned the true value of "ME-time".  I enjoy pulling up to the house and sitting in my car, sometimes for as long as an hour, just to reflect and decompress and just...be. Sometimes, I like to drive in silence (no radio, no phone) and listen to my thoughts or take in the beauty of everything around me.  Sometimes, I enjoy cuddling up and watching Netflix or Hulu all day, instead of going to the game or the horse races. I enjoy having my time and my thoughts and my decisions and my life to myself...until I feel moved or inclined to share. I always worried that there might be something wrong with me, as I would compare myself to other "social" people I knew. It seemed like these people loved being out and about and around people, all the time. And I struggled with myself for a while, trying to keep up with my social friends, but I just couldn't be "on" all the time. After being "on" for a while, I needed to take my little self somewhere to sit down and recharge. It took me a little while to see and understand this about myself. And after much thought and deliberation...I have decided that I am totally okay with it!

So, for the times that I need the best of both worlds -being out at and about, but not necessarily "on"- I like to wear my earbuds... when I'm working out, walking the dog, or studying at the coffee house. I wear my earbuds, and I listen to the beautiful sounds of...nothing. No music playing; just me with my thoughts, and the world around me. It's a little guilty pleasure of mine.